7 min read · Dec 6, 2021
I am sure you have all heard the quotes like “If you run with dogs, you’ll catch fleas.” or “If you can’t run with the big dogs, you better stay off the porch.” or “Tell me who your friends are, and I can tell you who you are.” Or “If you hang around clowns, don’t be surprised if your life is a circus.” and “If you can’t pay the time, don’t do the crime.”
All of these are quotes that people would live by because there was a lesson behind them. Ultimately, they weren’t even called quotes — but they are called idioms. An idiom is defined as a group of words or a sentence in which mean something different from it’s literal meaning.
When someone says “If you run with dogs, you’ll catch fleas” — they weren’t literally telling you that you will catch fleas by running with dogs. Rather they were telling you that you should be very cautious of the company you are around because, if you are hanging around people who are doing bad things, you will pick up and ‘catch’ their bad habits. Which is going to have a very similiar meanng to “If you hang around clowns, don’t be surprised if your life is a circus.”
How about “If you can’t run with the big dogs, you better stay off the porch.” — ultimately meaning that if you are not willing to suffer the big time consequences, do not take big time chances. This specific idiom is very close to “if you can’t pay the time, don’t do the crime.”
And, “Tell me who your friends are, and I can tell you who you are.” This one was always my favorite one. This one suggests the meaning that like personalities and like minded-people are going to stick together — your friends and you will probably have close to, if not the same, character.
Now, I have been hearing this one specific idiom a lot more the past couple of years that states “If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’ll get a haircut.” I haven’t really heard this one much until I started being involved in the AA program; but, again, this is not a literal statement. I have found that this specific idiom has the meaning that you are and will become what you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with positive-minded people, your attitude is only bounded to change from that negative headspace, regardless of who you are. When you associate yourself with negative-minded people all the time, sooner or later, that will just be your cup to drink from.
Now, we have used this in our home with our AA program obviously — but we use that same mentality with our children. Kids are having a streak of regressed behaviors? Stick to your consistency and keep remaining positive and giving them the love and support they need — even if it is that tough love — and it is still “if you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’re going to get a haircut.” Or, my son…whew, has some issues with this “why bother trying” mentality sometimes. Remember when I had mentioned last week that he was very sedentary compared to the other boys in the home? “If you hang around the barbershop long enough, and you’re going to get a haircut.” Now, he wants to play baseball. He was playing catch with the neighborhood kids this weekend. He wants to play outside. Now, I had to “hang around the barbershop long enough and get my own damn haircut” cause I had to take away his electronics to get him to that point — but, again, “IF YOU HANG AROUND THE BARBERSHOP LONG ENOUGH….” Ahh, you get the point.
Now that I have truly learned that this idiom is factual, and it is true, and it is something that I truly live by, I have learned to live by the ideology that “who I am and who I become is determined by who I surround myself with, what books I am reading, and what I listen to.”
Attitudes, points of view, assumptions, ideas, values, and beliefs are CONTAGIOUS! If you are constantly hearing or reading certain things, you are likely to end up agreeing with them. That is what we called human nature. That goes the same with feelings — such as sadness, anger, happiness, and the like. It can be hard to maintain a good mood all the time if you are constantly around negative-Nancy’s. However, on the flip side, if you surround yourself with people who are likely to rub off some cheer, confidence, and happiness on you because that is how they are, you are more likely to have those same moods. The big question: what attitudes, points of view, assumptions, ideas, values, and beliefs are you willing and wanting to catch? Because, “if you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’ll get a haircut.”
Let me be clear though — that DOES NOT mean that you have to complete abandon your friends who are going through difficult times. Maybe you can be the person that gives them the haircut. It is solely about balance. However, you want to make sure that you have those people in your life that life you up and inspire you to be the best version of yourself every single day.
Now let’s get really honest, and mention that habits are be extremely CONTAGIOUS, too. Now, if the people you are surrounding yourself with think it is perfectly normal to be 100% sleep-deprived, run off of 100% caffeine, and be 100% over-worked — guess what? That is just the same kind of insane lifestyle that will end up seeming normal and okay for you also. If you are surrounding yourself with people are eating fast food for every single meal and talking gossip about everything and everybody 24/7, you may feel some pressure, but you’re about to get your damn hair cut cause that’s the barbershop you are hanging out at. Take a hard look at the lives of the people you surround yourself with the most — because that is probably going to be the barbershop you are hanging out at the most, and the barbershop you’ll be getting a haircut at. That is going to be your life — or maybe it already is.
Again — do not ditch those old friends with the totally embarrassing lifestyle choices and questionable political opinions. Those are life long friendships. Those friendships have long histories, going way back, right? However, there is nothing wrong with seeking out people who have the kind of lifestyles and career choices you may be seeking and wanting. Befriend those people who are your heroes. Befriend those people who want to be like. Befriend those people who have lives that you admire. Befriend those people who have qualities that you respect and long for. Hang out at those barbershops. Trust me when I say, it will be more than one.
Let’s talk about my adventures at the barbershops… I’ve had to hang around the barbershops longer than most to get my haircut. It took me a very long time to fully understand this idiom, but once I really got it, I really got it. I started hanging out and surrounding myself with the people who had what I wanted, longed for, admired, respected, people I wanted to be like— success, years of sobriety, spiritual wellness, determination, strong work ethic, self-esteem, success, true happiness, joyful and happy, bliss, open-minded, reliable, kind-hearted, well-spoken, educated, likeable, and so many other qualities. I began to listen to more spiritual music, motivational speeches, uplifting music with inspirational lyrics from the sad and depressing, or violent and angry music that I was listening to on a daily basis. Why listen to ‘Gasoline’ by Halsey when I can listen to ‘Hold On To Me’ by Lauren Daigle? The difference in the lyrics is insane. Instead of feeding my brain the depression that I am already suffering with, I am feeding it something that it needs. I am nurturing it with the spiritual wellness that my brain needs. In addition, instead of reading negative news stories all the time, I have changed what I am reading to reading books based on Alcoholics Anonymous or reading articles based on spiritual wellness. I have started writing this blog, which is so incredibly therapeutic for me. Writing is a form a therapy for me. It has become healing. I have been attending individual therapy for about three months, and learning new things about myself, which has helped me learn how my triggers and how to cope and get through some of the harder times — and sometimes, reading about those things helps me too. I have been sharing my story — through this blog, and in my AA meetings and through talking with other people in AA. I have surrounded myself with a circle of people who hear me, understand me, and love me. I have learned a little more patience, tolerance, and understanding than I used to have. I have had my spiritual awakening. I have learned grace. I have learned and grown so much since just opening my eyes. I have gotten my damn haircut.
And since then… my perspective has changed. There has been so much more that I could go into, but this blog post would honestly just go on forever and ever.
My life changed when I got my haircut at these barbershops.
“If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’ll get a haircut…”
